THE BIBLE IN A FEW PAGES

  

Background

 

            The Bible is really a library of many different books and genre - romance, history, poetry, rulebook, songs, etc.  Many people try to read the Bible as if it were a novel, starting with Genesis and ending with Revelation.  This will probably only get you as far as Leviticus, if that far.  What follows are pithy descriptions of each Book in the Bible and a fair guess at genre.  As you decide what to read, or what to suggest that others read, these somewhat tongue in cheek descriptions may be helpful.

            I also found that there are many recurring themes in the Bible.  The three that stand out most prominently to me are 1) God is up close and personal, 2) God works through very imperfect people, and 3) God calls us to work for justice.  I’ve indicated which Books exhibit those themes by marking them with a UCP for up close and personal, a IP for imperfect people, and a J for Justice.

 

 

The Hebrew Scriptures

 

Genesis – In the beginning…

                        And then people messed up big time…

                                    And God wasn’t real happy about it…

                                                But God kept trying…

                                    Five generations of our tradition’s first dysfunctional family!

            Part 1: Genre – Mythic pre-history

(myth as in truth wrapped in a good story)               

            Part 2: Genre – Mythic history

(records history wrapped up in a good story)

Themes: UCP and IP

 

Exodus – Good news if you’re an Israelite…

                        Let my people go!

    Bad news if you’re an Egyptian…(guess which group wrote it)…

                                    10 Good Tips to help civilization run a little smoother…

                                                (Well, maybe more than tips)

                        and some serious obsessing over priest’s clothes and tent decor

            Genre: Mythic History                                              Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

 

 

 

Leviticus – How to have a great animal sacrifice…

this might sound cruel in our century,

 but it’s what replaced human sacrifice…

            What to eat and what not to eat…

                        Who to touch and who not to touch…

            Genre: Rule book                                                      Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Numbers – The Penal Code meets Aesop’s Fables meets the census…

cross the Red Sea,

            take a census,

   wander in the wilderness whining and complaining about leadership and laws,

take another census.

            Genera: Rebuttal of Exodus version;

Mythic Census Numbers                                           Themes: UCP, IP and J

 

Deuteronomy – ½ Penal Code, ½ Miss Manners

            Genre: Rule Book                                          Themes: UCP, IP and J

 

 

Joshua – Finally out of the wilderness, into the war zone

                        of taking over already-occupied land.

                                    Nauseating if you’re a pacifist…

                                                Great stuff if you like gory war stories…

              Genre: War epic                                                     Themes: UCP and IP

 

Judges – Without a leader or King,

with only local judges in charge,

wild people and outrageous happenings abound

Genre: Legend and anit-hero stories             Themes: UPC and IP

 

Ruth – Proof that Mothers-in-law and Daughters-in-law can get along…

                        A May/December romance just for spice…

                                    Foreigners are good, too…

            Genre: Family Saga; pause from war for a chick flick                Themes:  

 

I Samuel – Why do we have kings anyway?

                        Good judge Samuel says, “OK, we need a King!”

                        Picks Saul, who makes God mad,   who picks David.

                        Saul goes crazy with jealousy.                   

God works through children and teenagers…

                                    God works through really imperfect people…

            Genre: Hero Stories                                                  Themes: UCP, IP and J

 

II Samuel – Saul dies, David messes up all by himself…

            Genre: Hero Stories                                      Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

I and II Kings – After David, Solomon does pretty good,

then a long who’s who of good King, bad King.

until the Kingdom falls apart.

            Genre: Mythic History                                              Themes: UCP, IP and J

 

I and II Chronicles – The Reader’s Digest condensed version…

                        of everything that came before…

                                    whitewashed so the heroes are really good…

                                                and the bad guys are really bad

            Genre: Revisionist History                                              Themes: UCP and J

 

Ezra/Nehemiah – How to rebuild after the war…

                        If bad things happen to you, it’s your fault!!!

                                    Foreigners are bad…

            Genre: Mythic History                                              Themes: UCP

 

Esther – Can an oppressed girl in a foreign country find happiness as a queen?

                        Beauty queen saves people…

            Genre: Romance, Hero(ine) story                           Themes: IP and J

 

Job – With friends like these, who needs enemies?

                        If bad things happen to you it’s not necessarily your fault!

                                    It’s a mystery…

            Genre: Reader’s Theater                                              Themes: God is more than

                                                                                                  Up Close and Personal,

                                                                                                   God is in your face.

 

Psalms – Songs to God…about…God…for God…

                        Songs of joy…songs of lament…songs, songs, songs

            Genre: uh, Songs                                                       Themes: UCP, IP, J

 

Proverbs – Lots of little saying suitable for framing…

                        The female aspect of the Divine…Wisdom…

            Genre: uh, Proverbs                                                 Themes: UCP, J

 

Ecclesiastes – Wanna get depressed about how insignificant you are?…

Just read this book…

            Oh, and, by the way, #$%& happens!

            Genre: Essay                                                              Themes:

 

Song of Songs/Solomon – Need some erotic love poetry to send someone?

            Genre: That would be erotic love poetry                        Themes:

 

Isaiah – Turn from God, your world falls apart!

                        Good thing God’s still there when you come back!

            Genre: Morality stories                                    Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Jeremiah – A young kid speaks for God…

                        Livin’ in exile…

            Genre: Morality stories                                    Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Lamentations – So where do you think the word “lament” came from?

            Genre: Songs of Lamentation                         Themes: UCP and J

 

Ezekiel – Ever had a conversation with a schizophrenic?

                        Psychedelic man…

            Genre: Mystical visions                                                Themes: UCP

 

Daniel – Lion Dens…fiery furnaces…thank God for Angels…

            Genre: Mythic Heroes                                               Themes: UCP

 

Hosea – Prophet and prostitute…but can this marriage be saved?

            Genre: One long metaphor                                          Themes: UCP and IP

 

Joel – Death…destruction…and the pouring out of God’s Spirit…

            Genre: Morality play                                                    Themes: UCP

 

Amos – Not pleasant to read if you’re rich…great cow metaphor…and some fruit…

            Genre: Morality play                                                    Themes: UCP and J

 

Obadiah – If you’re not nice to us our God will get you…

            Genre: Revenge story                                       Themes: UCP

 

Jonah – If you think a talking fish is impressive…

                        wait until you check out the sulking prophet…

                                    Why’s he sulking?

                                                ‘Cuz God didn’t destroy anyone!

            Genre: Maybe God’s idea of a practical joke?            Themes: UCP and J

 

Micah – Greed will get you nowhere, baby…

            Genre: Morality play                                                    Themes: UCP and J

 

Nahum – God as Rambo?

            Genre: Revenge story                                       Themes:

 

Habakkuk - #$%& still happens…good thing God is still around…

            Genre: Journal entry                                                            Themes: UCP

 

Zephaniah – Sin…injustice…oppression…same old stuff…

            Genre: Morality story                                       Themes: J, J, and J

 

Haggai – See Zephaniah above…

 

Zachariah – Repent…

            Genre: Morality story                                       Themes: UCP

 

Malachi – And who can lead us to repentance?

            Genre: Morality story                                       Themes: UCP and J

 

  

The Christian Scriptures

 

Matthew – Jesus as Rabbi…the gospel written especially for the Jews…

                        Church bureaucrat’s reporting of the Gospel…

                                    which might explain why the the disciples appear less

 clueless than in the other gospels…

            Genre: Mythic hero stories (myth as in truth wrapped in a good story)

                                                                                                Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Mark – Jesus as street corner preacher…

short and sweet and urgent…Are you going to believe?

            Genre: Action adventure and ssrmons              Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Luke – Jesus as healer…the gospel written especially for the Romans…

                        Includes types of people we though we weren’t suppose to

associate with; and even holds them up as role models!

            Genre: Mythic hero stories                        Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

John – Jesus as philosopher…the gospel written especially for the Greeks…

            Genre: Mythic hero stories and soliloquies            Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

 

 

Acts – The second “Act” of Luke…

            the good, the bad, the awesome, and the ugly of what the church did next.

            Genre:  Mythic hero stories                         Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Romans – Fools for Christ…

                        Faith, and lots of it…

                                    Great body metaphors…

            Genre: Letter and essay to people Paul hadn’t met yet

Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

1st Corinthians – A letter to a healthy church? …Not!

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

2nd Corinthians – and it keeps getting sicker…         

            Genre: Rebuttal letter                                      Themes: UCP, and IP

 

Galatians – So do you have to be Jewish first to become a Christian?

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP and IP

 

Ephesians – Wives be submissive to your husbands…nothing new there…

                        And husbands love your wives like you do yourself?  Gotcha…

                                    Children obey your parents…nothing new there…

                                       And fathers don’t provoke your children? Gotcha…

                                                Slaves obey your masters…nothing new there…

                                                  And masters stop threatening your slaves? Gotcha…

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP, IP, and J

 

Philippians – How to write a letter from prison…

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP and IP

 

Colossians – So was Jesus human or divine?  Try both…

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP

 

1st Thessalonians – Jesus is coming right back…honest…

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes: UCP and IP

 

2nd Thessalonians – We think the world’s gonna end soon…

                        But while we’re waiting…

                                                Stop gossiping…

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes:

 

 

 

1st and 2nd Timothy and Titus – Just your basic church personnel manual…

                        Since Jesus doesn’t seem to be coming right back…

                                    Let’s figure out how to survive in this world…

            Genre: Letters                                                                        Themes: J

 

Philemon – What do we do about slavery?

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes:

 

Hebrews – Remember all those laws in Leviticus?  Never mind…

                        Probably written by a woman…probably Prisca (Prisilla),

                                    but nobody ever tells you that…

            Genre: Essay                                                              Themes: UCP

 

James – Watch your mouth! Bite your tongue!

            Genre: Essay                                                              Themes:

 

1st Peter – No pain…no gain…

            Genre: Pep talk                                                         Themes: UCP

 

2nd Peter – What are you doing?  Didn’t I teach you better than that?

            Genre: Scolding                                                        Themes: UCP

 

Jude – Do it the right way!

            Genre: Letter                                                             Themes:

 

1st, 2nd, and 3rd John – All you need is love…

                                                All you need is love…

                                                            All you need is love, love…

                                                                        Love is all you need…

            Genre: Love letters                                                   Themes: UCP

 

Revelation – Some scary stuff…

                        But don’t fear…

                                    It’s all in code about the Roman Empire…

                                                And we know what happened to them….

                                                            That’s right, the good guys won in the end…

            Genre: Metaphor                                                      Themes: UCP and J

 

 

 

 

 

A quite incomplete list of just some of the very imperfect people God works through in scripture….

 

Adam and Eve…compulsive eaters

 

Sara…laughed at God…

 

Moses…had a speech impediment and he was a murderer…

 

Jacob…swindled his brother out of his inheritance…

 

Rebekka…took advantage of the blind (her husband)…

 

Jeremiah…was just a kid…

 

Rahab…a prostitute…

 

Gomer…another prostitute…

 

King David…was an adulterer and ordered a hit on his mistress’ husband…

 

Isaiah…by his own admission a man of unclean lips

 (Does that mean he had a foul mouth?)…

 

Mary the mother of Jesus…got pregnant before she got married…

 

Peter…quick tempered and denied his best friend in a pinch…

 

Paul…a bit on the arrogant side…

Deepening Faith:  Youth Ministry Resources and Some Miscellaneous Advice

Rev. Lizann Bassham, Front Porch Spirit Press

Copyright © 2001